Thursday, September 24, 2015

An emotional month

It's been a few weeks now since my little man started Kindergarten. There are days I sit and think about him being there and I really can't believe it, it doesn't seem real some days. I know he was fully ready and all that but I guess I just can't get over how fast this came and how fast he is growing right before my eyes.  It takes a big milestone (in my opinion) to realize just how far your little babes have come.

While I am beyond proud of my little guy, I miss him so much during the day.  It still seems weird with him not being here doing everything with us.  There is definitely a "void." Slowly it's becoming my new normal but I have a feeling I will always miss him.  It gets me emotional because this is the beginning of my kids really growing up. I have 1 in school, 2 at home.  One day I'll have 2 in school and only 1 home.  And then you know what comes after that. I know that is still ways away but I can't help but let my mind go there and wonder what it will be like.  I am the Mom who wants her kids to stay little forever so all of this stuff gets me a little teary eyed.

This month Brayden has shown me just what an amazing little boy he is.  He started going to school, all day, every day (well, M-F) which was a huge adjustment from his 3 days, 2 1/2 hours a day of preschool he did.  The beginning was a little rough but to be honest, much better than I anticipated.  I thought there would be tons of tears, tons of I don't want to go's, and so on.  But to my surprise, he didn't have any of those (at least that I saw).  In the first couple of weeks he would come home and tell me that he cried some days because he missed me but I kept telling him how awesome he was doing and that it's OK to miss me because I missed him too and that's just part of this whole process. I am proud to say that he has gone a couple of weeks now with no tears and comes home super happy!

Speaking of coming home (and going) - all summer long I said I was going to drive him to school and pick him up.  I felt like since I stay home now, I wanted to do that (and told myself I would enjoy it too) but about a week before school was starting the hubs and a few others started swaying my decision to let him take the bus.  Their case was a good one - I wouldn't have to pack everyone up during our frigid winters and most importantly I wouldn't have to wake the girls up from their nap to go pick him up at the end of the day.  This all made total sense to me but I still couldn't be sure this was the right decision.  I mean, how could I give a complete stranger (the bus driver) responsibility for my child?! This was so huge for me, I really wasn't sure I could do it.  I waffled for days then it was 2 days before school and I had to make a decision so I could share with Brayden.  In the end I decided to drive him his first day and after that it would be the bus.  Brayden was not so on board with this idea but we all kept telling him how awesome it was going to be...


Thankfully my Mom came over the first morning he was taking the bus.  We walked him to the stop, took some pictures, hyped up the bus even more, gave him tons of kisses and watched him walk on. Immediately after the bus took off, my mom stayed with the girls and I got in my car and followed it to school (doesn't every parent do that!?) I had to make sure for myself that my son was going to be OK. In my head I couldn't understand how he was going to know what to do, where to go, etc.  But you know what? He figured it out and of course there are tons of staff around to help guide.

A few weeks into taking the bus and I think all is finally good.  There were some days he begged me to drive him and I had to stay strong. Of course every part of me wanted to drive him but I knew if I did it once, he would beg me all of the time.  There was a day last week he got out of school early so I told him that day I would pick him up and we went and did something fun.  So now he knows only on special occasions I will pick him up and the bus is his primary way to and from school.

I can't believe we are almost a month into this school thing.  What a difference Kindergarten is from preschool! My Mama heart sure wasn't ready but I don't think I ever would have been.  There have been many tears shed on my part because I know my baby has done so much growing up this month. Letting go is so hard, and I've definitely had to "let go" quite a bit these past few weeks, but honestly, I couldn't be more proud of my little man.

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