My whole life I wanted 3 kids, not 4 not 2, 3. When I was pregnant with Ella I told people
that if she was a boy I would 100% try for a third because I loved the idea of
having boy, boy, girl. Obviously I know
I can’t control these things, hence, out popped our baby girl :)
I remember after having her that I never had that *feeing*
that our family was complete. Even
through the beginning months of her crying & screaming for hours each
night, in my head, I know I wanted another.
Then as she started getting older, becoming more engaging and fun and I
started waffling with the idea, thinking that maybe we are just perfect the way
we are? One Mommy, one Daddy, one boy, one girl. The perfect family of 4. Each parent gets a kid, traveling seemed like
it would be easier, I could see life pretty nicely with just us 4, but then the
next day, that would all go out the window and I would want another baby,
someone to make us not so perfect. I loved the idea of my kids having
another sibling. I grew up with 1
sibling, a sister 4 years older than me.
We weren’t that close growing up from what I remember (I’m sure there
were years when we got along great) but when your sister is 16 and you are 12,
she does NOT want you around, he he.
The hubs and I have been discussing baby #3 since Ella was
very young, we want all our kids close in age (if God would allow it) and I would rather have another
sooner than later so we can start enjoying life with all of our kids. Not that you can’t enjoy life with a newborn,
but it’s just different when everyone is walking, talking, and old enough to
actually do activities and create memories.
A huge major factor when I start thinking my decision is no
on #3 is the fact that I have already had 2 c-sections. I know the risk gets higher with each one and
I have been scared to death each time with mine. The first time it was the unknown, the 2nd
was fear of something happening to me and leaving 2 kids behind. This is my fear again if we have another, I
will then have 3 kids and the thought of something happening to me leaves me
panic stricken. I know chances are I
would be completely fine however; it’s the crazy in me that obsesses over the
bad. The hubby is also worried about
another c-section as he has seen first hand what they are like. He jokes about getting a surrogate, but I
know if we had the money, he wouldn’t be joking.
And then there’s that whole middle child syndrome, I know
this is really only a problem if the parents favor one kid over another, but I
do worry a little that Ella would get lost in the mix if we brought another one
on board.
Of course money raises a possible issue, but really, I don't focus on this too much. I have never been one to think you need money to be happy, but I know it does help. When I think of 3 in sports/activities, 3 going to college, 3 getting married, it gets me thinking "can we really do that?" But I tell myself no one can predict the future, if I obsess over things I cannot really control at this moment then I could be missing out.
But then I think about our future, and in the picture I
paint, I see another child there, playing with us, going on vacations with us,
making us that much crazier but bringing so much joy to our lives. Completing
our family. And the next day, I am
completely torn again. And this is the vicious cycle that has taken over my
brain for the past several months. I
wish there was a sign, something to make me just *know* either way. Sometimes I think you never truly know until
you do it – and if we decide to stop at 2, I think a part of me will never
really have that completed family feeling.
Anyone have any thoughts on having #3 or 3 c-sections? I would love to hear!