Monday, July 29, 2013

If I could turn back time.......

Stopping over at From Mrs to Mama today to link up for her 52 weeks of blogging with a purpose – I’ve been slacking on these link ups lately so I thought it was time to participate again J

Today’s topic is If I could turn back time….  Now I can say whole heartedly that I would not ever want to turn back time because if anything was changed in my past, my present might not be what it is today, and I don’t want to change anything that I have now…well except for maybe winning the lottery.

Anywhoo, I thought about this topic and something really stuck out in my head – If I could turn back time and change something it would be how I treated my Mom during my HS years.  You see, I was not a very nice teenager.  I don’t know why/how it happened, but it did.  I turned into a mean, verbally abusive nasty little girl to the one person who probably loved me the most – my Mom.  Since my Dad died when I was younger, my Mom struggled to support me and my sister.  She did anything and everything to make sure we had a roof over our head, food on the table, new clothes, pretty much everything we needed and wanted.  And yet, I chose to give her hell through my first couple years of HS.  I don’t really need to rehash any specific details but let’s just say the way I treated my Mom is one of my biggest regrets.  I have a best friend who was the same way with her Mom and we still talk about it to this day how awful we were and we feel so incredibly bad.  We still apologize to our Moms to this day quite often.  

Of course now that I am older, wiser (ha ha) and a Mother myself, I can see everything she did very clearly and I understand it now, which also makes it hurt that much more, I always think, “how could I have treated my Mom like that?? If my kids do that to me I will be devastated…”  And I hear payback is a b* so all I can do is hope and pray I don’t get is bad or worse than I gave my Mom, although I definitely would deserve it.   

I can chalk up my “bad” behavior to many things, but at the end of the day it doesn’t change anything and I am ultimately in control of myself and my actions.  Yes, I was young, and I try to remind myself of that when I start feeling super guilty, but at least now, I can say that my Mom is truly my best friend.  She is the first person I call with any news, she is my shopping buddy, she is my children’s Grandma Deb, and she is a beautiful, caring person who I can’t imagine my life without.  I love you Mama!

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