But last year, around the start of summer, something different started happening. I would wake up feeling normal, do my morning work out and then about an hour later I would start to feel "off" and "wierd" like I was in a constant haze. This would last all.dang.day. Mixed in with this "off" feeling, I would have these moments where I would feel everything closing in on me and think I was about to faint. This would happen at any random time; getting lunch ready for the kids, shopping, driving (the scariest times ever). I even had times where my face was tingling all over.
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| notes I kept during this time |
At first this wasn't an everyday occurance, maye a couple of times a week. It was once we went on our annual family vacation last year and I had a moment where I felt like I was going blind and going to pass out, and had to miss my son partipicating in a pie eating contest, that I knew I had to get help.
I chalked all these feelings up to severe anxiety at first. During this same time I was also stopping nursing Avery (my youngest) so I thought maybe that had something to do with it too, you know, hormones going crazy.
I made an appt with my regular dr to talk things out and try to get her thoughts. The last thing I wanted was to be medicated but at this point I was willing to try anything. I'm not going to lie, there were times that I thought I was dying during these episodes and all I could do is lay down and cry. When I didn't think I was dying, I just felt plain crazy.
My dr thought this was more than just anxiety and she sent me off to see a neurologist. From there, I was ordered to get a MRI, EKG, Echocardiogram (yes, different from EKG) and a brain wave test done. To say I was nervous about all of this would be a complete understatement. I started convincing myself I had a brain tumor because a side effect of that is huge, dialated pupils which I would get every time I would have an episode and be in a haze. (isn't it crazy where the mind lets you go??)
It took a little while to get all these tests done, and thankfully most of them showed no problems. The only thing my neurologist saw in my MRI is that I have a slight Chiari malformation. She said I was probably born with this and really the only way to fix is brain surgery (um no thank you) and that it probably isn't the main cause of my symptoms.
My general dr. did recommened some anxiety medication but I did not want to have to take it. I went from being a normal (well normal for me, he he) happy Mom to a Mom that felt incapable of taking care of her kids. That KILLED me. My sister in law was really a saving grace during this time. She too went through something very similar about a year after her youngest was born and she kept telling me I was OK and that this was probably some sort of post pardum, even though Avery was 1. I started doing some reading on it and it really did make sense, although I don't think that was my only issue going on. I think I had a variety of things happening and all together they made me feel like I was going insane.
I'm not sure exactly what I did or when it exactly happened, but in October of last year I remember going a whole week with feeling "normal" and then from there, everything got better. I still have anxiety and panic attacks from time to time but nothing like what I experienced those few months last year.
When I look back at my screen shot of my symptoms from over a year ago that I shared with my dr, I almost can't believe that was me. I feel like I wasn't even here during those months and I am so thankful that is in my past and I really hope I never go through that again. I also hope no one else ever experiences this.
On a much lighter note, I'll see you all tomorrow for my Friday Favorites!
*linking up with Home of Malones
